Open House: The people

The people are definitely what make Open House interesting. It's a bit like the Thursday lunches but on a significantly smaller, more intimate scale. I get to hear a bit more about people. Although I need to get better about learning their stories. And in this setting people feel more comfortable to talk to me about their needs. There are the 'usual' needs- the need for housing or gas money etc, to which I unfortunately am very little concrete help. Some tell me about their faith, which is always fascinating. And then there are the more unexpected conversations. Two from today particularly stand out.

One gentleman told me that he was feeling kinda depressed because his ex-girlfriend won't get back together with him. I started talking to him about why they broke up to begin with and he said she tried to kill him- well... that's after he hit her. I quickly let him know that it is not okay to hit anyone. He said he's gotten over his alcohol problems which are what caused him to hit her. We talked a bit more about how this didn't seem to be a very healthy relationship for either of them and that he should just move forward. And why did he want to be with someone who tried to kill him anyway? Because he loved her? Big deal! We love lots of people and things that are bad for us.... that doesn't mean we should continue right along with them... I don't think I actually got very far, but I at least made him think for a moment.

The most interesting consultation of the day was with a young man who has been at open house the last several weeks, a pretty quiet young guy, maybe 22? I'm not always sure if he's completely with it or what. Today he asked if he could talk to me, but not in the coffee line... so we went to the church lounge just off the parish hall and sat down on the couches. After a few awkward starts he told me that he was having a lot of weird feelings lately... but was being very vague and unclear... finally after a few more awkward pauses and fidgeting he told me that he was feeling confused about his gender.

I had never been more thankful for my roommate and I's avid (okay, weird) interest in random documentaries on a wide range of topics, especially those on people who are different from us and we had watched a couple of documentaries recently about transgender people. (See God does use all things for good!)

Because of these documentaries, seeing the struggles of the people featured combined with the subsequent conversations between my roommate and I. I wasn't as shocked or inept feeling as I might have been before. While I could never say that I understand what this young man is going through, I could be much more sympathetic after having had some glimpses into the struggles especially psychologically that transgender people go through.

What this young man was struggling with most was the fear that if he did act on these feelings of being female that he would be rejected by the people that he already knows here, those who know him as a man. Being rejected for whatever reason is extremely difficult. Especially when you're living on the streets and have a precarious support network to begin with. I made sure that he wasn't a danger to himself, and suggested that we find him someone more qualified than myself to help him work with these feelings. I am a good listener and would listen to him as much as he needed me to, but I am not trained to help him through something so major.

Then came the real question he needed me, the pastor, to answer... Do I think this is wrong? Essentially- could God still love him if he felt this way... and acted upon it? It is a privileged position to be in to be able to remind someone that God is loving beyond our understanding. No matter how unlovable we may feel- or society may tell us we are- we are God's children and we are loved deeply and passionately by God. Being unsure of your identity of who you are-- of something as fundamental as what gender you are is one of the most challenging things I can think of to go through. So there was no way I could judge this man for what he was going through. No way I could even imagine telling him that what he was going through was wrong. Difficult to understand- yes, contrary to our understanding of nature- sure... but wrong... no-- no way.

Welcome to Open House!