Searching for Bible Studies

I've just spent the last couple of hours looking at a variety of Bible study materials.... I'm looking for a few different things- Adult Education for Sunday mornings, September is quickly approaching- newsletter comes out this weekend and I should probably mention our fall programming (meaning I'd better get on the stick and plan it!) I'm also looking for material for a potential Women's Bible Study that one of the women who comes to our lunches approached me about.

Being supportive of my denomination I naturally went to the Augsburg Fortress website first, and checked out what they had available. The Book of Faith material looks decent and will probably fit the bill for Sunday AM, but didn't quite fit what I was looking for for the Women's study. So I went to look up some of the names I'd heard tossed about like Beth Moore, and Kay Arthur. I'm currently leaning towards Beth Moore's study on Esther- but this got me thinking what is it that the Augsburg Fortress stuff was lacking? Why does the "Evangelical" (for lack of a better descriptor/generalization) material and/or message play better than the Lutheran stuff (in my head at least) among the jobless/homeless population among which I find myself ministering. I'm not 100% behind everything the material claims. And there are a few things that just rub me the wrong way, but most of that is stylistic. I have a hard time trusting what they say, when they're on a big stage and have a lot of... errr... energy in their delivery; it doesn't resonate with the more subdued 'Lutheran' style I'm accustomed to. But after watching the guy who delivers the message at our Thursday who comes from a more Evangelical bent and the pastor who did it this past Tuesday from a local Lutheran church, the Evangelical message and delivery are much more enthusiastically received. Why is that??

Open House: the gist

Every Wednesday morning we have an Open House. Basically we open our doors, provide minimal refreshments- coffee, Kool-Aid/Lemonade, cookies- and just hang out. One of our members, Barry, started doing this a while back so that the church is open at least once a week, since the previous pastor worked mostly from his home office. These gatherings are always interesting and I never know what to expect.

In addition to the basic refreshments if someone asks for something more to eat we have some Chef Boyardee microwavable meals we give out. We don't promote that aspect because we have limited resources. But today the Chef was in high demand I probably handed out 15 tubs of Beef-a-roni and spaghetti and meatballs. I didn't get a chance to talk with as many of the people as I would have liked because I was too busy in the kitchen shuttling food to-and-fro. We usually try to close up refreshments around 11:30 so that there is not the expectation of lunch and today was a prime example of that because it was a bit later before we started closing up shop, and the demand was much greater... word spread quickly.

Unfortunately the whole time I was handing out food, in the back of my mind I was struggling. Part of me was more than happy to provide what little food I could to anyone who asked. While at the same time another part of me was thinking... oh crap... now we're creating a cafeteria reputation, and we do not have the resources to sustain this.

Around noon we close up shop and I return to my office to get a little bit of work done. And we leave the building open so people can have a space to get out of the sun and relax. One of the women had a tiny portable DVD player and was playing a movie, at one point I came out and there were probably 5 or 6 people sleeping, and I wondered how it must be for them to have a safe, indoor, relatively undisturbed place to sleep. What a small blessing that our facility could provide for them today. Maybe one of them will accept Barry's invitation to attend worship on Sunday morning, most likely they won't... but I'm thankful that they had a place to come and rest, if only for a little while.

Open House: The people

The people are definitely what make Open House interesting. It's a bit like the Thursday lunches but on a significantly smaller, more intimate scale. I get to hear a bit more about people. Although I need to get better about learning their stories. And in this setting people feel more comfortable to talk to me about their needs. There are the 'usual' needs- the need for housing or gas money etc, to which I unfortunately am very little concrete help. Some tell me about their faith, which is always fascinating. And then there are the more unexpected conversations. Two from today particularly stand out.

One gentleman told me that he was feeling kinda depressed because his ex-girlfriend won't get back together with him. I started talking to him about why they broke up to begin with and he said she tried to kill him- well... that's after he hit her. I quickly let him know that it is not okay to hit anyone. He said he's gotten over his alcohol problems which are what caused him to hit her. We talked a bit more about how this didn't seem to be a very healthy relationship for either of them and that he should just move forward. And why did he want to be with someone who tried to kill him anyway? Because he loved her? Big deal! We love lots of people and things that are bad for us.... that doesn't mean we should continue right along with them... I don't think I actually got very far, but I at least made him think for a moment.

The most interesting consultation of the day was with a young man who has been at open house the last several weeks, a pretty quiet young guy, maybe 22? I'm not always sure if he's completely with it or what. Today he asked if he could talk to me, but not in the coffee line... so we went to the church lounge just off the parish hall and sat down on the couches. After a few awkward starts he told me that he was having a lot of weird feelings lately... but was being very vague and unclear... finally after a few more awkward pauses and fidgeting he told me that he was feeling confused about his gender.

I had never been more thankful for my roommate and I's avid (okay, weird) interest in random documentaries on a wide range of topics, especially those on people who are different from us and we had watched a couple of documentaries recently about transgender people. (See God does use all things for good!)

Because of these documentaries, seeing the struggles of the people featured combined with the subsequent conversations between my roommate and I. I wasn't as shocked or inept feeling as I might have been before. While I could never say that I understand what this young man is going through, I could be much more sympathetic after having had some glimpses into the struggles especially psychologically that transgender people go through.

What this young man was struggling with most was the fear that if he did act on these feelings of being female that he would be rejected by the people that he already knows here, those who know him as a man. Being rejected for whatever reason is extremely difficult. Especially when you're living on the streets and have a precarious support network to begin with. I made sure that he wasn't a danger to himself, and suggested that we find him someone more qualified than myself to help him work with these feelings. I am a good listener and would listen to him as much as he needed me to, but I am not trained to help him through something so major.

Then came the real question he needed me, the pastor, to answer... Do I think this is wrong? Essentially- could God still love him if he felt this way... and acted upon it? It is a privileged position to be in to be able to remind someone that God is loving beyond our understanding. No matter how unlovable we may feel- or society may tell us we are- we are God's children and we are loved deeply and passionately by God. Being unsure of your identity of who you are-- of something as fundamental as what gender you are is one of the most challenging things I can think of to go through. So there was no way I could judge this man for what he was going through. No way I could even imagine telling him that what he was going through was wrong. Difficult to understand- yes, contrary to our understanding of nature- sure... but wrong... no-- no way.

Welcome to Open House!

Knights of the Light

Several weeks ago one of our regulars, Robert, came by my office and asked me for a ride the his apartment because he had too much stuff to carry on foot. Happily I helped him get home and he was excited to show me his apartment and building. He is part of a transitional housing program geared especially toward people with some sort of mental illness, counselors and case managers have offices on-site among other things. During the tour of the facilities he showed me the community room where he told me that he and one of his buddies Goldie hold services, they have robes and everything. This definitely made me curious to see what they were up to. I imagined it to be something like kids playing school.

A few weeks later I arranged to come by their meeting one morning. I arrived about 10 minutes late because my office painter was late so I had trouble getting into the building. Thankfully another man, Freddie, who reminds me of the mole from Frog and Toad, came down the road with his shopping cart just after I arrived and hopped the waist high fence and opened the door for me (something I considered but didn't think was appropriate to do in my clerical collar). Once in the building I made way to the community room and discovered that Robert had a doctor's appointment and was unable to join us. But Goldie was there leading the meeting. This is more Goldie's vision than Robert's. They are still in the organizational phase so we just met more informally.

I came mostly out of curiosity, and with a good bit of skepticism and probably too much well-trained snobbery. Every day I learn that all my intellectual inclinations and academic training sometimes gets in the way of dreaming big and remembering that God uses all people in big ways. Thankfully I get frequent reminders. Goldie calls the group the Knights of the Light. He hopes to bring God's Word to the people of the community. No arguments there! Some of their hopes for the group I will openly admit that I am skeptical of them actually achieving, for example, they want to make a (perhaps several) full length films of the entire Bible. Not sure where they'll get the equipment to do that... but hey... God can do great things. But regardless of my skepticism I came away inspired. I was in awe of their unbridled passion for the Gospel and their willingness to dare to dream big. We talked about current events, Bible passages, how we're gifted by the Spirit, and how the God blesses the desires of our hearts that are in accordance to His will. If I had out my theological fine tooth comb I could probably find a lot of flaws... but overall I left richer for having come observed this motley crew love the Lord with abandon. Thanks be to God!

Out of Sync

Last week I was beginning to feel like I was finding my groove, but this week that feeling has disappeared. I think it has to do with lots of little things combined. First off, I wasn't at Sunday morning worship because I was in Iowa at a good friend's ordination. It was good to be back with several of my really good friends from seminary, but it's definitely thrown off the rhythm of my week. Secondly my roommate is back after having been gone for two weeks, so I just want to hang out and get caught up with her. And finally the offices in the church are being repainted and generally freshened up, so I haven't been in my own office all week. All of these things combined with the regular day-to-day craziness of my office, leaves me feeling a bit out of sync. Hopefully I'll feel a bit more inspired to tell some of the random stories from the week later this weekend.

From the lips of others

I generally believe that God often speaks to us through the words of others. If that is indeed how God works then amazing things are going to happen here. It seems as if everyone I meet and have a substantial conversation with has such wonderful, positive things to say about my future. I just wish I were better about seeing it and believing it myself.

Recently I had maybe a five minute phone conversation with a woman who has a video production company and recently made a short video for a congregation to put on their website and they have received a lot of positive feedback as a result, so she was contacting other churches in the area to see if they were also interested. I politely explained that the majority of the people we are trying to reach probably weren't all that "connected" and explained our outreach was mostly to the homeless. After chatting a bit and agreeing to having some info sent to me via e-mail she commented that I must be such a great pastor because I have such a calming voice. Then wrote this in the e-mail, "I have no doubt that you will do a lot of good for a lot of people in your new position at Central Lutheran. I have so much respect for you!" Two or three other people have made similar comments about their certainty that great things are going to happen now that I'm at Central. I'm glad they have such certainty because I don't always see it. But having these encounters reminds me that God will use me if I allow it. I can't get so wrapped up in my own short-comings that I forget to see the many blessings that take place everyday on our site... many of which I am wholly unaware and some of which I am privileged to directly bestow. Hopefully until I truly believe it myself God will continue to send these people to remind me!

Requests for help

This week I have had several requests for a substantial amount of help. I've grown fairly accustomed to being asked daily for help in simple ways like asking for food or to use the restroom or phone which I gladly help with. But this week there have been larger monetary requests and it's these requests for help that I'm not always sure how to respond to.

Monday was rent money, and today was a pair of women needing bus fare to Texas to see their mother who was given a month to live. I want to be helpful, but on the other hand I don't exactly want to develop a reputation for having deep pockets so to speak and have the system be abused. Both of these people are willing to work in some form or another for the money, the women offered to clean and the man needing rent offered carpentry or handy man type services. This is great and I feel less like an enabler if we can work out some sort of barter. The church could definitely use a good cleaning, and we're revamping our office space so yeah I could probably use handy man services. But what's a fair wage?? I don't want to take advantage of them either.

On top of these two requests for money I had a man needing to do 60 hours of court ordered community service asking if we had anything he could do. I hate to turn away a volunteer, but what do I ask him to do? He's a chef by trade but seems willing to do whatever I can find for him to do... one thing I would really like to have done is someone to simply wash the walls off... but is that demeaning work? Can I make this man brainstorm programming ideas with me for community service hours?? Can talking about what led him to need to do service hours in the first place count?

Whether or not to give the money or whatever is one dilemma but on top of that once I decided to provide help to the man asking for the rent money, I wanted to suggest coming to worship, but I didn't want the help to seem somehow contingent upon his attendance at worship. Like I'm trying to buy parishioners.

And ultimately I'd like to give a bit of thought to where God is at in all of this? Is it enough to simply write checks? A large part of the meals we give on Thursday is feeding the spirit as well as the body, there's always a message and prayer before the food even arrives. How can I incorporate spiritual support along with the financial support without it seeming like I'm helping 'so that'... you know so that they'll come to worship, or or what-have you. But I guess Christ died 'so that' so that we may have eternal life. Ahhh... see the dilemma?

So yeah the outcomes... I gave some rent money- community service man is coming back Wednesday to see what I've found for him to do, and the sisters... well, I haven't yet figured that one out...

Proposals

Being single in the church isn't always easy... being a single pastor brings it's own challenges- namely doing pastoral care while being hit on. I'm getting used to brushing off comments about my eyes or my smile, heck even during my interview weekend a comment was made about my legs, but this week has been particularly note-worthy. It's been the week of marriage proposals the official count for this week is 3.

• Proposal #1- I was talking to one man about his hat that he loves that says 'God is good all the time. This is most certainly true so we were having quite a lengthy conversation about why this is true for him. And another man (who for some reason brought a hiking type walking stick with him irrelevant but interesting) calls from about 5 feet away and says- hey will you finish talking to her because when you're done I'm going to propose to her. The guy I'm talking to quickly puts his arm around me and says something like no you're not she's my girlfriend. Then leads me up to one of the tables and introduces me as his girlfriend. The man with the walking stick did not forget his plan to ask for my hand and stops me as I'm headed back to my office to get something- asks if I'm going to marry him for real- to which I flippantly replied- "I think we need to get to know one another better before I can answer that" laughing
• Proposal #2- One of the young hispanic men (18 at the oldest) finds out that I speak Spanish. We chat a little bit as I'm wandering around during the meal welcoming people. After the meal he finds me and talks to me a bit more asking me what I do there- obviously the clerical collar means nothing to him- and he also proceeds to ask me if I would marry him. Seriously?!? Again
• Then came #3- Walter had come by the office on Monday looking to see if we could help him with rent money. I wasn't sure how we dealt with this type of thing, and really wasn't sure how I personally wanted to handle it- it's a delicate dance because as the church and the helper type I want to be helpful to anyone in need, but we don't have the resources to just be handing out money- nor do I want to create a reputation for just handing out money willy-nilly. So I told him I needed to talk with our financial person and if he could come back the next day I would be better able to answer him. It's also one of my ways of seeing how serious they are because if they really come back then they tend to be more serious and reliable, rather than nutty. He asked for the office phone number so he could call in case he didn't have time to make it back over. He had just separated and had kids at home. He called the office later that day almost expressly to tell me that I was gorgeous. I just thanked him and told him to get back to me in the morning to see if we could help. When he called back he again mentioned that he thought I was beautiful, and that some lucky guy right? And dernit I just don't lie well especially about guys, it's that independent part of me I guess... the No I don't need a man part! But man I wish I had a made up boyfriend really! Finally I told him I'd call him back since I wasn't sure of the logistics of getting checks. When I called him back to tell him he could come get a check to help with what we could- he asked if he could bring me roses! to which I quickly and bluntly replied- NO! and he then said, you know you drive me crazy and I'll marry you in a heartbeat if you want to... I am separated after all. All the while I'm thinking- are you kidding me?!?!? Separated is still married! You're asking me for rent money yet offering to buy me roses! Come on dude get a clue!

I guess I should feel flattered by all the compliments... but really it just makes my job a bit more awkward. At least I know there are men out there who are not intimidated by the almighty clerical collar... right? *Sigh* Just another interesting layer to my work! Oy vey!

Clerics and Jeans

I told myself when I started this blog that I wasn't going to try to go back and catch up on everything that's been going on, but this one story is too good not to post. It is by far one of my favorite moments thus far in my ministry.

Every Thursday we host a lunch where the San Fernando Valley Rescue Mission brings the food and a mobile shower so the homeless/needy can have some very basic needs met. So it was a Thursday, I was wearing my "uniform" jeans and a clerical shirt (I promise this is relevant later) and I was out mingling with the people as is my custom. I was having a conversation with two gentleman who are regulars, and mid-conversation one of the guys says to me, shouldn't you be wearing slacks rather than your Levi's? I mean that just makes more sense doesn't it?" I just laughed politely and said something like, "I'm trying to make the clerical collar look hip, don'tcha know? And truthfully I just left student life and don't have slacks yet. I'm going for casual and approachable." Yeah... something like that.

Then the other guy who we were talking to turns to him and says, "You're getting on her for wearing jeans, and you're not even wearing a shirt!" The man starts to laugh, "yeah I woke up today and couldn't find my shirt so I just came over here without one! HAHA!" So yes, I was getting my clergy fashion sense critiqued by a shirtless, scruffy, grey hairy chested old man. Classic!

Let the good times roll

I caved. Too many people have asked if I am writing about my ministry experiences to continue saying no... so I'm creating a space to share what what I'm a part of here. I hope to also use this as a forum to brainstorm and articulate ideas, share stories from the inevitable craziness that surrounds me. So welcome to my journey.

For the sake of introduction let me explain my setting. I am a newly called pastor to a very small (15 members) congregation in Southern California. A few years ago they made the very intentional decision to remain open, feeling as though they had important ministry to do in this community. I was brought on board in the last month to help the congregation become a viable ministry in the community. This is why I've deemed them "The little church that could" they are going against conventional wisdom and continuing on. In keeping with the nickname I continually say to myself in one form or another "I think I can I think I can"

This church is blessed richly by the many partner ministries operating out of our facilities. We have two other congregations using our space for worship and Lutheran Social Services also operates out of what used to be our pre-school. They do amazing work each and every day, bringing with them some very interesting and exciting ministry possibilities. Welcome- God is going to do awesome work!